he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
