this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
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