Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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