I seem to have left my pride at pride
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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