Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
