guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
