i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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