We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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