We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
