Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
A bitchslap is in order.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
