Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
