make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
