i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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