The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
