nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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