i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
