I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Randomize
