So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
