there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Randomize
