Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
