I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
