As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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