Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
They are going to name an STD after you.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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