All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
