And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Well I just put wine in my tea
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Randomize
