this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
