you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
did you just send me my own nude
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
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