I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Randomize
