Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
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