I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
