he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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