Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I could fuck to npr.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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