wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
the day after is always just damage control
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Randomize
