morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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