I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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