I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
this just has baby written all over it
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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