I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
