In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize
