i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I just threw up on my dentist
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Randomize
