WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
It's shark week go big or go home
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
