im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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