if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Randomize
