3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
