So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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