you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
