I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
My life is pants optional.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
