my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
