kristin has been a bad kristin
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Randomize
