Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
