What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
