I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Randomize
