is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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