craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
As shirtless as possible
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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